You may not have realised it, but I am not only the Blogopolis’ pre-eminent automotive-style commentator, but I am also highly regarded in the field of automotive-psychology. This week, instead of a post trying once again to puzzle out a theory of automotive style, I thought it would be interesting to write on psychology.
It is an undeniable psychological fact that some people will always have more cars than they have garage space. There is a particular, established number of cars, laid down in one’s subconscious, that one can keep out-of-doors without undergoing mental anguish – this number is one’s ‘outdoor-car tolerance’. Fluctuations around this number do occur, with these fluctuations being most apparent during a time lag if more garage space is acquired, or some is given away, but the number of cars kept outside will always return to equilibrium at this number.
The rule always applies. If your outdoor-car tolerance is set at one car, then, time-lag effect notwithstanding, this is the number of cars that you will always keep outdoors. The more garage space you have access to, the more cars you will own. If your tolerance is set at one, then one car will stay out-of-doors. It is important to note that you needn’t own the garage space for the rule to hold true – it applies to rented garages, garage space you’ve borrowed off a friend, or a brother, or a mother-in-law. Within a period of time – usually about six months – of having placed all of the cars back undercover, you will have bought additional cars such that one of them needs to be once again kept out-of-doors.
There is of course a dangerous fallacy toyed with by those who build massive warehouse-sized workshop/garages – they believe they can outwit their own subconscious. They believe that if they build a big enough garage space, that this space will be sufficient, and that they will never again need to keep cars out-of-doors. After all, who could possibly need sixteen cars? This is not true. The freshly built space will be filled with cars, and the original number of cars will, within time, return out-of-doors. The best result that can be gained from building an enormous garage space is an increase in the immediate time lag. That is to say, if a man’s outdoor-car tolerance is as high as eight cars, and he builds a twelve car garage where previously he could only store two cars, then it is likely to take sometime more than six months before he is back to eight outdoor cars. There appears to be a multiplication factor in the relationship between time and outdoor cars – six months to acquire the first outdoor car, then an additional three months, roughly, for the acquisition of each additional outdoor car. To illustrate: our friend with ten cars, two of them in indoor storage, moves to a new home and builds a twelve car garage. He is very pleased with himself: suddenly he has two empty spaces. Shortly thereafter, those are filled by new acquisitions. Within six months, he has purchased an additional car – the first to be stored out of doors. He doesn’t feel he is doing too badly – the new garage seems to be working. However, he will, inexorably, over the next 24 months, acquire an additional 7 cars, all of which will come to live out of doors.
The process also appears to work in reverse – as an individual passes his outdoor-car tolerance, the subconscious urge to find or build garage space increases until it is unbearable. With an outdoor-car tolerance of two, a man who buys a third car will find himself building or renting a garage within six months. Of course, he will try and be smart, and build a two-car garage, but this will only result in him acquiring a fourth car.
It appears that the number of cars that can be stored outside is laid down in one’s subconscious relatively early in one’s life. If, in your early twenties, you had one car, and it was always kept outdoors, then this has set your outdoor-car figure for the rest of your life. If you find a house with a garage, within six months you will have two cars. If you find a house with a two car garage, and then borrow a garage from a friend, within six months you will have four cars – one will still have to live out of doors.
Additionally, the solubility of cars seems to have some inverse relationship with the outdoor-car tolerance of a person. People with a fancy for water soluble Italian cars seem to both have a higher outdoor-car tolerance, and feel a greater level of anguish about leaving those same cars out-of-doors. Those who fancy quadruple galvanised late model German cars often appear to have an outdoor-car tolerance close to zero, when their vehicles would stand storage in a disused and flooded salt mine.
It is also important to understand precisely what constitutes a car. You are not able to trick your subconscious by keeping a bare series one Alfasud shell somewhere where you might occasionally see it, and thus keep all of your ‘good’ cars indoors. For a car to count towards your outdoor-car tolerance, you must be able to, intend to, and convince other more objective people, that you will return it to road-going condition. You may from the bottom of you heart believe that you intend to restore that box of rust flakes and a chassis-number plate back to a mint condition Alfa Giulia Super, but if I don’t believe you, then your subconscious isn’t going to either, and it doesn’t count as a car.
My own car:garage-space ratio provides a useful illustration. As you may have seen from my side-bar bio, I have two and a half old Alfa Romeos. At the moment, the regular car that I drive around in is an old Alfa 164, dark green, 3.0 litre V6 and manual. In many ways it is a very good car. The second is an older Alfasud Sprint that I am restoring, with just a little hot-rodding thrown in for good measure. (Those of you who are deeply nerdy can see this process here.) The ‘half’ is much of a second Alfasud Sprint, partly dismantled, but still rolling if you push it.
Traditionally, I have always had an outdoor-car-tolerance of one. Currently I have a two car garage outside my house, and rent a space in another garage some 45 minutes’ drive up the coast. Three cars, three garages. You might reasonably think that I have overcome my one car outdoor-car-tolerance. But things are never that simple. Because restoring is a time and space consuming process, the Sprint is parked diagonally in the two car garage with various parts spread around it. So the 164 lives outside.
Of course, the half Sprint is also not going to be returned to the road, so does not qualify as a car according to the above law. Somehow, then, I have managed to obey my psychological imperative and have three garage spaces, two cars, and still one car outside.
So it goes.
It is an undeniable psychological fact that some people will always have more cars than they have garage space. There is a particular, established number of cars, laid down in one’s subconscious, that one can keep out-of-doors without undergoing mental anguish – this number is one’s ‘outdoor-car tolerance’. Fluctuations around this number do occur, with these fluctuations being most apparent during a time lag if more garage space is acquired, or some is given away, but the number of cars kept outside will always return to equilibrium at this number.
The rule always applies. If your outdoor-car tolerance is set at one car, then, time-lag effect notwithstanding, this is the number of cars that you will always keep outdoors. The more garage space you have access to, the more cars you will own. If your tolerance is set at one, then one car will stay out-of-doors. It is important to note that you needn’t own the garage space for the rule to hold true – it applies to rented garages, garage space you’ve borrowed off a friend, or a brother, or a mother-in-law. Within a period of time – usually about six months – of having placed all of the cars back undercover, you will have bought additional cars such that one of them needs to be once again kept out-of-doors.
There is of course a dangerous fallacy toyed with by those who build massive warehouse-sized workshop/garages – they believe they can outwit their own subconscious. They believe that if they build a big enough garage space, that this space will be sufficient, and that they will never again need to keep cars out-of-doors. After all, who could possibly need sixteen cars? This is not true. The freshly built space will be filled with cars, and the original number of cars will, within time, return out-of-doors. The best result that can be gained from building an enormous garage space is an increase in the immediate time lag. That is to say, if a man’s outdoor-car tolerance is as high as eight cars, and he builds a twelve car garage where previously he could only store two cars, then it is likely to take sometime more than six months before he is back to eight outdoor cars. There appears to be a multiplication factor in the relationship between time and outdoor cars – six months to acquire the first outdoor car, then an additional three months, roughly, for the acquisition of each additional outdoor car. To illustrate: our friend with ten cars, two of them in indoor storage, moves to a new home and builds a twelve car garage. He is very pleased with himself: suddenly he has two empty spaces. Shortly thereafter, those are filled by new acquisitions. Within six months, he has purchased an additional car – the first to be stored out of doors. He doesn’t feel he is doing too badly – the new garage seems to be working. However, he will, inexorably, over the next 24 months, acquire an additional 7 cars, all of which will come to live out of doors.
The process also appears to work in reverse – as an individual passes his outdoor-car tolerance, the subconscious urge to find or build garage space increases until it is unbearable. With an outdoor-car tolerance of two, a man who buys a third car will find himself building or renting a garage within six months. Of course, he will try and be smart, and build a two-car garage, but this will only result in him acquiring a fourth car.
It appears that the number of cars that can be stored outside is laid down in one’s subconscious relatively early in one’s life. If, in your early twenties, you had one car, and it was always kept outdoors, then this has set your outdoor-car figure for the rest of your life. If you find a house with a garage, within six months you will have two cars. If you find a house with a two car garage, and then borrow a garage from a friend, within six months you will have four cars – one will still have to live out of doors.
Additionally, the solubility of cars seems to have some inverse relationship with the outdoor-car tolerance of a person. People with a fancy for water soluble Italian cars seem to both have a higher outdoor-car tolerance, and feel a greater level of anguish about leaving those same cars out-of-doors. Those who fancy quadruple galvanised late model German cars often appear to have an outdoor-car tolerance close to zero, when their vehicles would stand storage in a disused and flooded salt mine.
It is also important to understand precisely what constitutes a car. You are not able to trick your subconscious by keeping a bare series one Alfasud shell somewhere where you might occasionally see it, and thus keep all of your ‘good’ cars indoors. For a car to count towards your outdoor-car tolerance, you must be able to, intend to, and convince other more objective people, that you will return it to road-going condition. You may from the bottom of you heart believe that you intend to restore that box of rust flakes and a chassis-number plate back to a mint condition Alfa Giulia Super, but if I don’t believe you, then your subconscious isn’t going to either, and it doesn’t count as a car.
My own car:garage-space ratio provides a useful illustration. As you may have seen from my side-bar bio, I have two and a half old Alfa Romeos. At the moment, the regular car that I drive around in is an old Alfa 164, dark green, 3.0 litre V6 and manual. In many ways it is a very good car. The second is an older Alfasud Sprint that I am restoring, with just a little hot-rodding thrown in for good measure. (Those of you who are deeply nerdy can see this process here.) The ‘half’ is much of a second Alfasud Sprint, partly dismantled, but still rolling if you push it.
Traditionally, I have always had an outdoor-car-tolerance of one. Currently I have a two car garage outside my house, and rent a space in another garage some 45 minutes’ drive up the coast. Three cars, three garages. You might reasonably think that I have overcome my one car outdoor-car-tolerance. But things are never that simple. Because restoring is a time and space consuming process, the Sprint is parked diagonally in the two car garage with various parts spread around it. So the 164 lives outside.
Of course, the half Sprint is also not going to be returned to the road, so does not qualify as a car according to the above law. Somehow, then, I have managed to obey my psychological imperative and have three garage spaces, two cars, and still one car outside.
So it goes.
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